of the matter that they presume and feel freely to speak on.
With my illness, I find that more and more people who do not have either the illness, nor
the initials, M.D. behind their name, are ready to speak freely and openly without any
knowledge of a disease that is often debilitating. If these ill-informers wish to share their
knowledge then please do those that have been medically diagnosed a huge favor and stop
giving their opinions, but share their wisdom. By doing so, it is a surefire that 1, they wont
look like an fool while stating what they know and not what they believe and 2, will keep
both the informer and listener from being uncomfortable.
When you speak, state what you know, not what you assume. Its okay to feel insensible,
but when you speak falsely, the listener is aware of your assumptions and will discount
everything you say thereafter. Do not cheat yourself or knowingly deceive. If you don’t
know, then you don’t know. …"Opinion is ultimately determined by the feelings and not the
intellect." H. Spencer.
All I can say is READ, and remember C. C. Colton’s adage and think, "When you have
nothing to say, say nothing." (1780-1832) Or, as someone once wrote, "Never miss a good
opportunity to shut up."
Please try to understand that many doctors are willing to admit that just because they are
doctors with years of study, that they do not understand everything and that I am similar to
them in the knowledge of the illness. In which case, I may be forced to cancel planned
outings at the last minute, as I never know from day to day how I will feel. Please
remember that again it is the life of the illness.
Do not assume that just because I look well, I feel well, as most people are aware that looks
can be deceiving. And its not good to make butt of oneself. Many days I look great, but
feel terrible.
If you are really concerned, please take the time to learn everything you can as the more
you know, the better you will be able to deal and handle outings with and for me.
Do not tell me about your friend or friends of friends who are managing their multiple
sclerosis, but remember that the illness effects each patient differently and most
importantly, do remember that I’m not the other person but am doing the best I can.
Do not tell me “It could be worse.” Yes, I know it could be - I don’t need reminded of that
as stated, it is me and thankfully not you who is experiencing the illness.
Please be patient with me and continue to invite me to your planned activities, but
remember that just because I may not be able to join in on all the fun, does not mean I will
not attempt to enjoy myself. Please let me decide if I’m able to do certain things and
whatever you do, please do not take it personal.
Do not feel guilty that you can’t ease my problems, but please be eager to be there for me
and that I am most grateful that you are willing to be a friend. "If a friend is in trouble, don’t
ask if there’s something you can do, but think of something appropriate and do it."
(E. W. Howe (1853-1937)
Please do not feel sorry for me, as I certainly do not. Although it may seem I have lost
much, I am eager and grateful that I have gained much more. No, I do not have
extrasensory perception, but thankfully, my sensory of information has greatly increased
and is beyond the ordinary five senses of sight, hearing, smell, taste, and touch. I have an
alternated sense of reality that most people without the illness can not grasp. Today, I have
greatly increased my common sense and forethought. Moreover, after my most recent
brain study, my current intelligence quotient reports 119.2. Again, don’t feel sorry for
me, but be grateful that I have fewer obstructions. (Also, I read A LOT!)
Do not tell me what I’m capable of doing. Let me decided what I can participate in. If I’m
wrong I’ll know soon enough as only I know my limitations. Please do not assume anything.
Please realize I am frustrated with the disease and limitations it puts on me, not with you.
Please try to be understanding and not assume anything.
Please do not comment as to how inactive I am, short of calling me lazy. However,
understand, I miss the days when I use to be able to get up from a chair, bed etc and run
around for hours. Know that I miss hours of shopping, long drives, and that running, in-
line skating and riding my bike are activities that were once very important to me. Prior to
diagnosis, I deemed myself a fashion queen, but have since realized what makes me
comfortable and less fatigued and now, to me, that is what is pleasing and fashionable.
Please do not be so judgmental of me and say things like, “This illness is a pay-back from
God because of sin.” Everyone commits sin and that those words are not helpful, but are
hurtful and does. But remember that men of ill judgement oft ignore the good that lies
within their hands until they have lost it. Remember that this could happen to anyone,
even you! (Consider reading 2 Corinthians 12:5 - 11)
And with that said, my only advice is to those who have not considered it, talk to your
human resource manager about disability insurance. You may think you do not need it, but
it certainly comes in handy when you least expect it. Or as the old adage goes, Better safe
than sorry.
Much love and appreciation,
Keeba Smith
{Davis Digital Designs}
{Multiple sclerosis Information}